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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Rahul Gandhi’s Top 17 Excuses for Flunking U.P.

Rahul Gandhi greeted supporters during an election rally in Jewar in UttarPradesh on Feb. 23, 2012.
Clearly, the magic of Rahul Gandhi has failed to work in the state,” Times of India web site, March 6, 2012.
17. Stray dog ate my manifesto.
16. Overrated appeal of being the only politician on the campaign trail who can speak English and Italian fluently.
15. Promise, if Congress wins, to have craftsmen alter the faces of all Mayawati statues so they look like Mama may have missed the zeitgeist.
14. Shouldn’t have referred to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh as “the old seatwarmer.”
13. “Money, Money, Money” unwise as campaign theme song.
12. After making compelling speech in slums, downdraft from helicopter kept destroying homes of potential voters.
11. The intended irony in my campaign slogan — “Vote for me or get harassed by the Income Tax Department” — was perhaps not appreciated by the public at large.
10. Positioning myself as 30% Obama, 30% Prince William, 30% Aamir Khan, and 10% Digvijay Singh may have created an overly complicated public image.
9. People looked at me and thought “Next: Robert Vadra.”
8. Joke, with hand-chopping motion, to predominantly male crowd that if you don’t vote for Congress, “Kapil Sibal will cut your Google off,” may have been misinterpreted.
7. Redubbing “Born in the USA” as “Born in U(-oooo)P” was perhaps a mistake, since I was actually born in Delhi.
6. Mama was right: Priyanka should have run the campaign.
5. Insistence on Dalit slumber parties misconstrued by local farmers.
4. Should have fired management consultants as campaign advisers when I saw they spent all their time on TripAdvisor.
3. Beard was too Al Gore: made me look like a loser before I lost.
2. My grandmother, mother and I should have spent more time doing good things for the people of U.P. in the past 40 years before showing up and asking for their vote.
1. I shouldn’t have had the beans.

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